I'm glad I found this sight. I haven't spoke about this in awhile so I'm just goin to start typing.  When I was five my mom remarried.  My father is an alcoholic he's a very kind man though.  Anyways my new stepdad molested me for years as a child.  I believe it started when I was 5 or six but I'm not positive.  It stopped when I got older and closer to a teenager.  I don't remember every incident but I do remember I got use to the attention from it.  I use to think that I was disgusting because it was like a sick affair.  He use to touch me a lot when my mother wasn't around  but when I try to remember things sometimes I can't and then sometimes I get memories from out of nowhere. I do remember once he took me out on the boat and exposed himself fully erected and told me 'it gets like this when its ready to go into a women'.  Then a boat went by and he said we can't do this here.  I remember feeling afaid.  Most the time it was just weird but there were a few times I was scared.  This went on for about 7 years and I didn't tell my mother until I was 16 when she approached me because I was drunk. I told others when I got older because I wanted attention and I played the victim role. Idk why I acted this way.  We didn't press charges mom just made him leave.  She gave him money to get a place and he was gone. She stayed in contact with him for awhile but now we don't even know if he's dead or alive.  My siblings treatedvmom more likevthe victim and it made me upset I guess.  It definately damaged our relationship then again our relationship was never that great.   

Now I just want to feel normal and not so affected.