Never really spoken about this, never truthfully, so here goes....

When I was 8 -ish I was taken round the back of the houses by a guy that lived across from me.  He would claim that we were going to play and I remember being happy to have a new friend! Instead he would take off his trousers and make me touch him in places that I never new existed, although I only remember flashes I do remember being confused as to why and what I was doing because he kept insisting that everything was fine and it was "just a FUN game", however I must have known I was doing something wrong because I vividly remember shaking with adrenalin.   Although, he was really slow and patient, I guess I thought he was a kind and gentle person.  However the touching intensified and was more focused on me, his hands would go everywhere he dam pleased. I was frightened yet still allowed him to touch me because I was apparently "special", he hadnt done that to anyone else!

The thing is he was a boy himself probably 13 or 14 at the most.  Thats what I still cant understand to this day...was it really abuse? I never properly fort back and he was so young himself. Maybe it was me not forcefully saying no that drove him on, am I partly to blame??

I would appreciate any advice because this is the first time I have been honest with myself as I find it sooo embarrassing that a 13 year old boy can still affect me even now at the age of 17! 

Can a child therefore sexually abuse a child?

(just last year in November I lost my virginity to a man of 28, he is my manager. I am embarrassed when ever I see him at work, just like the now grown boy that lives across the road.  I was at the time very drunk, which is no excuse, once again I didnt say NO.  Therefore maybe its me that leads men into doing things that I will ultimately regret, proving the point that I am to blame !?)

So if anyone can give advise or an answer that would be great -  as you may tell Im a slightly confused woman.