hi im lynn, this is the first timw i have ever written any of my feelings down. I was abused sexually by my grandfather when i think i was about 9 i cant remember the exact age or for how long, i know it was a weekly occurance and now i realise why i got more pocket money from him than my brothers, i had blocked the feelings until two years ago when my marraige broke down. The only person i had told by then was my husband, and it wasnt until my children were not with me 24/7 my ex is a wonderful man and i know my children are safe but he has always maintained he could not be a weekend dad, so we have 50/50 with the children, at first i needed to know where they were when they were not with me, he totally understands this and always lets me know if they are going out anywhere. But i didnt deal with myself at the time, I have now met another wonderful man whom i have told, both of the men in my life were told because i was having flashbacks, they both now know never to come up behind me when im in the kitchen, But now i know i need to deal with my past, as the anger inside me is so over powering at times, and this was triggered off again last sunday by my partners ex wife, who to get at my partner tries to hurt me, i can take it but in her last attack she accused me of being an irresponsible parent as my daughter has a facial piercing (my daughter is 18) and that attack on me about my daughter has opened the floodgates of me feeling like i cant protect my children, havent slept for days and i remember counting pennies in my grandfathers kitchen and he coming up behind me and hurting me,
I'm new on too here, just read your message everything is really coming out for you now, too fresh and too much pain. You are a survivor, you are not that little girl any more, you know you are a good mother for your kids. You made it this far your daughter is 18, not a child any more she makes her own choices. Flash backs are bad i know, i write everything down now once the flash backs stop it gets it out of my head. That some times helps me, I have found some one I can talk about it. I found this website helps look at how the others are coping
Hi Im new to this site I was drawn to your message because of the close similarities to my own story.I was abused by my grandfather when I was 10 till I was 15/16. I was forced to forget about it and only remembered it about 5 years ago,But I am still struggling. Hope to hear from you.
