Hello all, At 38 I ‘am happily married with 2 amazing kids. I still take it day by day. Should I tell my parents what transpired 33 years ago? I dearly welcome any & all comments...
Hi I am a male survivor of 40 married with 2 sons. I wish there was an easy awnser to your question but in life there never is. I personally feel this is a ball firmly in your court, you need to think of the impact this will have on you relationship with your parents. The shock of finding this out can be a terrable thing for them to take in after all you are there son. My situation was that I was abused by a family member and wasnt believed my parents I was dissowned by them because they just couldnt understand that I never said anything when I was a lad about what was happening to me.
It took 8 years with me not seeing them just so I could sort out my problems before we could FINALLY get along without the rows Kind regards Daz be safe
i am in a situation now where, after removing myself from my foster family for the past 10 years,bothmy little brothers are of age. even though i cut off contact with the entire family they have sought me out (bless MySpace)and are interested in having a relationship. i was a foster kid at age 12 ... their father molested me for years from 12 to 15 and terrorized me the rest of the time until i got out on my own. i loved both my little brothers, but i couldn't take 2 more seconds of being in their parents' presence.
i am agonizing now on what to say about why i cut them out of my life. i feel like part of me should just keep my mouth shut. the oldest wants to be a cop. the youngest has emotional problems. i don't know if i'm crazy for even considering it - but dammit i'm tired of choking it back down. i'm tired of being the only one who suffered because of him - i want HIM to suffer, and i want the rest of the world to know what a vile piece of **** he is. but my little brothers were the sweetest and best thing about that whole horrible experience, and i still want to protect them from knowing the truth.
bottom line for the initiator of the thread ... no one can help you make your decision. just like no one can help me. if someone told me i 'must tell them' the truth for my own good and they have a right to know... i would say that they are right. if another person said that i was motivated by revenge and have no right to subject two innocent young men that i care about to that information when no possible good could come of it ... i would say that they are also right.
my heart is hurting fresh as if it is happening all over again.even after all this time, inow knownothing will ever make it go away.
what is your motivation for talking to them about thisafter all this time? could it offer you the chance to heal further? what do you expect/desire your parents to say or do? do you want them to apologize for letting you down or not protecting you? do you want someone to cry for you or with you for what you have lost? i can tell you, if it is in any part the need to have someone cry for you, i'm crying now, because i know in a small way what you are going thru.
keep being strong. you will make the right decision.
hey i was sexually, mentally and physically abused my my dad, apparently (according to my mam) since the age of 6 months. i have always been able, 2 communicate with strangers, something the people close to me, have never been able to understand. i hate being judged, for something i now know, wasnt my fault. strangers, are sometimes the best people, strangely enough. when you communicate, with someone who knows little about you, what gives them the right to judge you? am i wrong? i dont know...i just know it helps me to come to trms with the worst years of my life. until 18 mths ago, my mum knew very little. telling her, was one of the hardest things ive had to do. i told her, it wasnt her fault, and to never blame herself. afterall, she went through it to. she opens up occasionally, telling me (the eldest of six, how he physically abused her, and raped her so many times. is it rape, when she was married to him, she asks? i tell her its definately rape. im a man of 29, married, who breaks down regularly. telling my mam, was the hardest thing ive ever done, but the best thing ive ever done also. its hard, but everyone needs a support network. its up to you, what you do...just remember that.
