First of all, please understand if my English is not good enough. I believe you guys can all understand what I am going through even if the language barrier.
We are 5 children and I am the second one.
My parents were extremely abusive only towards me physically and verbally.
As far as I remember, they had started bited me up since when I was 5 years old.
since then, at least once a month they used to bit me and the blood from my head and nose and even my ear drum had explored twice becuase of my father's abuse.
My mother and my elder sister had such a strong bond and was very discrimiated to me. and I used to hate my sister becuase of my mother's discriminate behaviour.
so, I used to fight or argue with my elder sister badly, and then when dad come home, my mom used to tell dad to hit me. then I was bited up until die. I was only teenager.
As my elder sister and I grew up, my sister became atheletic she becams tall and stroger. and then she stared bit me up in the most cruel way you can ever imagin. She bit my head on the street where not many people walk around with her foot until the blood came all over my face and until I cannot even walk. And she left me , pretending nothing happend. I had no one to talk to as my mom and dad hated me as well.
I became 15 and got high school, and I bravely wanted to know why WHY WHY they only hate and bit me so much among siblings. My dad was just scarely person for me, I cannot even possibly say one word to him. However, because I wanted to know the reason why they bit me, I told my dad that " why you always hit me first and do not even try to listen to me?" and he said " I know that what you saying is totally not worth it , so I dont need to listen to". Since then I realised that my parents are no longer matter to me, and even if they hit me I emotially felt numb and no pain physically and emotionally. And then I commited suicide.
My sister and mom found out that I commited suicide and took me to the hospital with verbally abuse. After discharge from the hospital, my dad through all the medications we used to keep at home to me and yelling " just die".
I think that because of my father was pastor, it was ashame for him if others know what her daughter did.
now I am 25, and my parents still love and so supportive to my other siblings. and I am the only one who do not live with them.
Now, My problem is that the anger us keep coming back and I still do not talk to my parents and they do not realise how much they hurted me.
If there is someone who can possibly help me,
The biggest fear that I am concern is that, the pain seems to be deeper and deeper as I grow up and what if even after 10 years I still suffer from the pain?
The more I got aged, the more I cannot understand.
Is there anyone who went through simmilar situation as me?
All i can say to you is be strong, you are a surivior, memories from the past do not go away but can get eaiser, you need some-one to talk to, to help you move forwards you may feel ashamed but dont we all have a past and there is always some-one there if you want them, i am here if you want to talk.
hi hon i think your exceptionally brave going through all that and the pain will be hard just to make it go away memories are so powerfull. as advise the only think i can think of is councelling or psycotherapy and coming to terms with what has happend and trying to move on from the past hope this helps hon
