Hello, I'm new to the site. I'm 20 and just starting to deal with repressed memories from my childhood. I've always had a memory in the very back of my mind of my old friend's brother doing things to me. But I've pushed it so far back that I've convinced myself over the years that it never happened, and now I can barely remember it, so much so that I worry that it never DID happen. But it's started to really impact on my life in the last year. I've always been shy, but with men I'm just so closed. I can't trust them. I used to beat myself up so badly about it, I never understood why. I've never had a relationship.
I just really need someone to talk to. I live with my sister who is great, supportive, but she just doesn't get what I'm going through. And I don't like her husband which doesn't help matters. I moved away from home because my family are the most closed bunch of people you could ever imagine. My older brother is a recluse, my younger brother abuses alcohol, drugs and self harms. Both have attempted suicide. So have I. I feel like my whole family is ****ed up but we just can't talk to each other. I need so badly to talk. :( I'm hoping it could open up my mind and help me to remember more of what happened to me.
I understand exactly what you are going through. I had pushed the thoughts of what my cousin had done to me so far in the back of my mind I had forgotten about it for years. Now I think about it all the time. My family is the same way we just don't talk about anything especially something like this. I did actually tell my mom a few years after this stopped happening but I don't know if she even believed me and I just felt ashamed and embarrassed about it. I'm here if you need to talk I can give you my email address if you like.
Have you ever thought about going to a counselor or therapist? I have thought about it but just have never went through with it because I just didn't want to go through all the emotions but I feel like i should talk to someone or do something because I don't know how to deal with it all myself.
hi all stacey here, what i will say is that you got to be strong and ready to see a counceller if you depressed or crying all of hte time or anxious or any other serious problems that are affecting your life you might need to address that first cos the last thing you want is to trigger off flash backs i went to see a phychrist and i was not ready to talk i toatally blocked out but as the sessions went on and i was chatting about it very vaguly afterwards i got servive flash backs that disterbed me and i wanted to hurt myslef. after telling the psychrist this we stopped talking about abuse as i was not ready to deal with it i needed to be stronger and alot more based and able to cope with the pain properly in a way its crazy cos i had the depression and anxianty cos of the past but i needed to adress around it rather than talking directly about the past if that makes any sense hope this helps
