Hello,

My story is somewhat unique to what I have read so far on this site. Although the circumstances are unique I believe the end results are the same.

My abuse started when I was about 4 years old. My mother died from breast cancer and my father hired a nanny to come help him with raise me and my sister. That nanny moved in last then three months later. She was a very controlling and abusive woman that stayed in our lives until we were grown and moved out. As a young child I remember my father trying to cope with my mothers death. He did this by going to the local bar each and every night an drinking himself to a drunk stupor. This nanny would then take advantage by forcing us to clean the entire home until early hours of the morning, take baths in scalding hot water, kick and beat us and deprive myself and my sister of the basic necessities such as bathroom privileges and water. As sadistic as this sounds, the abuse got far worse.

By the time I entered school I was very socially inadequate I had bitter feelings towards people and I could not get along with my classmate and teachers. After being tossed into three different schools in three years, my father agreed ( through the advice of our so called stepmother) that we should be home schooled.

Our home school sessions were never home school sessions. We were bought books and told to study and we took a once a year achievement test administered by the local school board. Instead of doing schoolwork I actually spent the better part of 8 years confined to a bedroom. My father and this person that he lived with was so controlling they thought it would be a good form of discipline  to lock us in our bedrooms for extended periods of time. My sister and I ate, slept in our bedrooms  and was occasionally let out to do chores around the house. We had to knock on our doors to be allowed to go to the bathroom and I would need to sometimes urinate in a milkjug so I did not disturb my father too early in the morning for him to unlock my door and allow me to use the restroom. We did grow up watching any television except an occasional 1 hour session if we were good. I could not socialize with anyone which means I did not have any friends, girlfriends, nothing growing up. I was not allowed to play sports or do any type of activities that young boys would do as a adolescent.

My days were spent behind a locked door and sometimes going into a fit of rage to release the anger that I felt from living such a crappy life. I was brainwashed thinking that I would go to jail if I ran-away. I attempted to run away several times but I was always caught and dragged back to the prison.

As far as sexual abuse, my stepmother would insist that I would not take showers by myself and would actually watch me take a shower and stare at my private parts until I was finished, I sometimes wonder if she was going to molest me.

Things started to slowly change when I left my home and went into the Army. I tried to get counseling there and then I got more counseling when I left. One therapist described me as a miracle, however some days I do not fee that way.

Thank you for reading all of this, I hope that I can share my experiences with others and help them pull-through the horrible tragedies of their childhood.