I was regulary beaten from about aged 3 by both of them and bullied into silence. My step father started sexually abusing me from age 15 and continued beating and sexually abusing until I left home aged 20. I was just too scared to stop him.
Went right off the rails at aged 20 (obviously) and attempted suicide six months after I left home. Second attempt.
Started therapy aged 21 in 1991. Been in and out of therapy since then.
I'm usually on top of things but get very depressed sometimes, still fight urges to hurt myself.
Met wonderful man in 1996 got married in 1997. Have two children. Very happily married.
I've been reading the posts, and one thing that has struck me is how many of us were sexually abused in our teen years. I had always thought I was the weird one, and I was old enough, and should have been able to stop him. It is reassuring to me to hear your stories.
I, too, fight urges to hurt myself. Another way I feel like the weird one! This past month has been more difficult and I am not sure why.
My teen years were awful. I felt like a alien/monster/freak. I thought people were looking at me and that they 'knew'.
My childhood was crushingly sad. I always had bruises all over my body. Either people were really thick or just too busy sticking their heads in the sand. As a little girl I thought 'can't you see these?' 'don't you know what they are'. I was refered to as the 'clumsy child'.
Re the sexual stuff, my therapist once said 'you were only 15, you were a child'. The thing is, I've never felt like a child. I was a miniture soldier trying to get through each day. I didn't have a childhood.
I'm having my childhood now, with my 5 and 2 year old!
Hope you find as much support here as I have I am 45 and I often wonder why the adults around never intervened and I shall probably never know I know age wise I was a child but I don't think I ever had a childhood
Glad your enjoying a childhood with your children and I am sure they will appreciate what there mum is doing for them as they grow
i have only ever spoke out about my abuse 3 times in my life and it happened when i was 8 years old.
i am now 51 a young 51 in mind but much older in feelings sometime very tired of carrying this pain arround with me. Although i am sure my parents loved me their constant arguing and fighting caused me lots of agony. And while they were so busy wrapped up in their world they didn't see that they had let an abuser stay with us as a female lodger for a year. And as it was a small house she was allowed to sleep in my room. i am not ready to bring the pictures in my mind to words on paper.
